In this era of advanced technology and open-minded society, I am often conflicted towards how I should react to certain things. What should my opinion be? Of course, everyone wants to be in on the what’s right and what’s good: against racism, go pro-life, be a feminist, be a vegetarian. These things, to many, are no brainers, which is the same for me.
Then I became a mother, and a housewife, and suddenly, I’m on edge about my opinions.
I know that you can change whatever you’ve said at any time, but no one really likes switching sides, especially those who takes one only when it’s comfortable for them. That is why I never talk about being against something that I’ve never tried. It’s just like food, for me. Never say never until you tried it.
- WM/WAHM vs. SAHM
To stay or to work, that is the biggest question of all. You’re lucky to be at peace doing any of the two. Each has their different struggles, but I can say, they have the same solid amount of guilt that could make or break your family. I have been a working mom for a good 2 months after my maternity leave, and I feel horrible at work for not being there for my child. I think of him every minute of the day.
Then I stayed at home. It feels great, it looks great. I can sleep when my child is asleep, I play with him all day, I tend to his needs. Sleep, play, needs, sleep, play, needs. It’s a cycle, it’s an everyday routine. Going out and talking to my neighbors at times would be the highlights of our day. And poop. It was all I could think about, and all I could share about with my husband. “Oh, his poop is a bit greenish today. Yesterday, it was all corn. I’m guessing tomorrow, it would be orange-y and nutty.” The worst part is feeling guilty for not being able to bring home regular paychecks. I don’t have anything to budget, and I would have full-on guilt once I splurge on a sachet of facial wash. I don’t need one, I’m just at home!
An opportunity came and I became a Work-at-Home mom. I thought that would be the best compromise to my dilemma. I get to earn money and add income to the family, but still be with my child. I can tell you, though, that landing a home job that suits your own time is a long shot. Unless you’re willing to have your neighbor adapt your son for 8 hours during the day, without any interruptions whatsoever, or your boss could stand talking to you over Skype with a wailing baby in your arms, then, yea, sure, you’re the luckiest then.
- Taking full responsibility over family budget.
As a stay-at-home mom, this, for me is still sensitive. I still dance around my husband’s paycheck, not knowing if I should ask for it or just let him take the reign over. We do groceries on weekends together (that’s our weekender family date), we eat-out or dine-in together, we buy our needs together, so all expenses, we do together. Sometimes, I would hear myself reasoning that I don’t actually need to get the money if he’s just always going to be there to provide everything that we need. He’s like a walking wallet, really, and as long as I know how much money we have on our savings account, I think, we’re good.
But there would also be times when I’d be pissed when he never tells me he already got his paycheck. Then I’d ask nonchalantly to take the budgeting task for the house. Don’t get me wrong, though, my husband is a great guy, and he agrees with me on days like this.
- Rent, Mortgage, or Live with Parents.
This is, of course, a big deal with other marriages. Where would you live once you tie the knot? You thought, Millennials are so smart, even with money, that they’d already acquired homes for themselves, enough to secure them a roof over their heads for the rest of their lives, most of the articles I’ve read tells exactly the opposite. With new “necessities” that people “need” to buy, Millennials tend to struggle from earning enough money to purchase a house.
Renting may seem the easiest choice for newly weds, which we also considered before, but because we know how it feels like to be broke, it seems unpractical to spend money on something that is temporary and will never be ours.
Then, we looked for houses available for mortgage, and they were gorgeous. The problem is the cheapest ones are in the province, which is 3-4 hours away from my husband’s work, and the drive to and from would be too much additional expense.
So now, we live with his parents, the cheapest choice out of three. But there’s too much challenges to conquer if you decide to live with your in-laws, and the first one is swallowing your pride. This choice is something that made us kept our car, and gave us chance to save up.
Even though I don’t like the sound of it, marriage really does changes a person’s perception of the world. Others might say: “You just approved that because your husband or your wife said so.” and I would be left thinking, are they correct? But then again, what’s wrong with it? What’s wrong with seeing things differently after being in a commitment with another adult who you would be spending your life with? If my husband had persuaded me to think differently now, in a good way, and as long as he had valid reasons to believe such things, why wouldn’t I agree to it? The man I chose to marry is someone who does everything for his family and the people he loves. I trust him and his opinions because I know that he puts our son and our family first before anyone else.
Writing in braids,