I laugh whenever people says twenty’s is the make or break decade of our lifetime because it couldn’t have been more true with me. I haven’t ended mine yet, but when I look back at how I was when I were a twenty year old college student, and how I progressed into being what I am now, it never really looked like a single direct path was taken.
It wasn’t like this:
But more like this:
It was rocky and mostly on the edge of giving up. I have failed so many times: in college, in love, at work, even pregnancy. There was not a road I have taken that needs a turn back, but the journey was all worth it.
Sometime in 2012, I finally realized the career that I would no longer be ashamed to pursue. I had acknowledged my weaknesses, and pointed out my strengths. I was no longer the person who was insecure that I didn’t end up being a programmer just like most of my college friends.
That was also the year that I started dating a very handsome, loving man, and though it was new, our relationship is serious. All the resignations and pursuing a lifelong career with new companies, we decided together. We were so focused on succeeding at our work that we forgot to take care of our bodies, of ourselves. As our first year as a couple ended, we were given our first challenge, we had a miscarriage.
2014 was then greeted with forced smiles and lots of prayers – hopes that it would bring us much more than what we have lost the year before. We started dreaming about weddings and mortgage houses. And by December, as we drive our first ever purchased vehicle, we have been given a chance at pregnancy again.
Being more careful than before, we have enjoyed the journey at preparing ourselves into parenthood. With a 5 months baby in my belly, we said I do in front of our family and closest friends.
Not long after that great event, our special gift was delivered, and, though sleep deprived, we were more than contented – we were given more than what we have lost.
We then lived in my parent’s house. Not a few months later, I took a break from my day job, and moved with my in-laws.
Now, I am a happy wife and a full time breastfeeding mother. I had also accepted a work-at-home project for a really short time, and is now focusing on building a startup with my family, and is also planning a business I could own myself.
What does it all has to do with who I am as a mother? Well, because now I realized that every mother also has their own past which made them the kind of mother they are. And as much as I love reading blogs about motherhood from celebrities and known personalities, I believe that it is much more different telling a story about a mom who have had the lowest lows, and didn’t even know the standard for the highest highs.
It is the dream to live the dream, but most of us, including me, hates walking the road that leads to it. For sure, in the end, I live in my dream house, cooking at my dream kitchen, watching the kids as they play the most expensive toys appropriate for their ages.
But I live in the now, and I’m still crossing the paths to that point. And I’m sure there’s a lot of us out there who are sometimes bored of walking towards the end of the tunnel.
So I made this blog, not to inspire, but to have someone to relate to. Because most of the blogs I found about motherhood and marriage and family are owned by people who are already there living their dreams. And I’m sure they worked hard for it.
But I wonder what it’s like for us to wake up every morning and still have to live here. Because, let’s face it, it takes a little more work for us also, right?