Luke and I both felt awkward talking about his lovelife over dinner. It started good as talked about small things, like work and stress and our clients. Then, after we finished our first serving of Maki, we both looked to the other side of the table, obviously running for something else to talk about.
We used to be okay talking about his girlfriends in the past. But when Nate and I got together, I stopped talking about my relationship with him to protect Nate, knowing how Luke’s righteousness would prevail if I’d ever open up about our misunderstandings. I know he’d never buy my happy storied with Nate either.
Luke also didn’t mention his dating life since Nate and I started living together. He used to be a playboy, just like Nate, and I think the reason for not opening up since then was because he wanted to avoid me thinking I was just one of Nate’s girls he was playing with. He knows I’ll compare myself with the girls he’s dating and afraid I’d find so many things in common with them, like obsessing over small things and clinging to wherever we would go.
“So, uhm. Who’s the lucky girl?” I started asking.
He laughed. “I don’t actually know if she’s lucky. I think neither of us are.” Then a sad smile registered on his face.
“What do you mean?”
“I mean, the thing that we have. It’s kind of complicated.”
“Hey, Luke.” I reached out for his hand over the table. “You asked me out here to talk about her. So spill.”
“I know. But I’m just realizing how it’s a bad idea.” He looked down on the food, not wanting to meet my eyes.
“Just tell me, Luke. Who is she?”
“It’s… Karina…” he whispered. For a moment, the name doesn’t sound familiar. Then I realized, Karina is Yna, Sid’s girlfriend, or fiance?
“Marg…?” it must’ve been a few minutes of shock. I think my face went funnily confused.
Why would he date her? Yes, he dated lots of girls for fun, but he never targets those that were in a stable relationship. He never wants drama, especially in bed. And the most confusing thing is he would never ask me out to talk about his relationship, except that one time with….
“Carla.” I muttered accidentally.
“What? What did you say?”
“Sorry. I must have blanked out.” I snapped out of my confusion.
“I know this is something out of the ordinary from me. But I just wanted you to know just so you would know how I’d be spending some of my time out of the office.”
“What do you mean? How are you going to spend some of your time?” I asked, and it sounded more like an accusation rather than a question. I saw his face went red, ashamed.
“Hm. I knew it was a bad idea to open up.” He held up his arm to call a waiter, and gestured the bill.
“What are you doing? We’re not done talking?”
“I think we are, for now. I’m sorry.”
“Hey Luke. I’m sorry, okay. You yourself said it was out of the ordinary for you. So imagine me shocked.” I said, trying to meet his gaze.
“You aren’t shocked, though, Marg. You’re judging.” He stared back at me, already knowing what I’m doing inside my head.
I felt terrible that he said that, because it was true. I felt like I already knew this was a mistake for him. Yna is a mistake, because for starters, she wasn’t right.
“Hey, come on. What do you expect me to think? She’s Jane’s friend, and she has a… boyfriend.”
“I know that! Don’t you think I knew that? I just thought when I opened up about her to you, you’d at least listen to my story, before jumping into any conclusions in your head.”
I sighed. He’s right. I was too fast to conclude. I remembered when I told him about finally being with Nate. He never said anything negative. He just nodded and listened and we never talked about it ever.
“Okay, Luke. You’re right. You did told me it was complicated so I should have not expected that it’d have a good story. I’m sorry. Do you want to tell me how it happened?”